Impossible Goal

I'm back into running - in a big way. When I finished the diet and got back to my real life, I knew I needed a goal to keep me on track. So I started running again, and my goal was the Dana Point Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving morning. But the more I ran, the more miles I was putting in... and suddenly 6 miles was no big deal. The day I ran 8 miles, and felt great afterwards, was the day I realized I needed an impossible goal. So I've decided to run the Long Beach Half-Marathon on October 12. Thirteen point one miles. Utterly ridiculous. Who in their right mind runs that far??

I love going after goals I would have never thought I could achieve. It does wonders for my self-esteem and self-belief. The Kettlebell Instructor course seemed way out of my league, and I trained like a crazy person and when I went there I kicked a**. It changed my view of myself. So now I'm going to do it again in October. I can't wait!

Eating Out!!

I've now finished my 3-week "stabilization" phase, with only that one big cheat last weekend. And now, today, I get to eat out in a real restaurant and order whatever I want! We're going to Blanca, a new place in Newport that's getting amazing reviews from all my lucky clients who have already had the pleasure of dining there.

I'm down to a fairly steady 127lbs (hooray!!) and a 27 1/2 inch waist... my waist shrinks a little every few days but my weight hovers around 127/128. (It's normal to fluctuate a pound or two day to day). Hopefully this all means that I'm still losing fat but starting to slowly build some muscle. I'm running a lot - miles and stairs on different days - and training with kettlebells. I'm quite sore, but I feel great!

So now my "diet" is about maintenance. It really won't be too different to how I used to eat - lots of protein and salads, and healthy carbs. The real change will be eating a lot less dairy - I love cheese and yogurt, and those will be limited, but I can live with that. And I will be more conscious of the calories in different quantities of foods - for example, I will keep measuring snacks like nuts, aware that just 1/8th of a cup is 100 calories! Same for the sunflower seeds I like to put on my salads, and the olive oil I use for dressing. Learning to measure those will really help me regulate my overall caloric intake.

I will still eat out about once a week - I live for great restaurants. If I wasn't a trainer I would want to be a food critic!

Cheese, cake and chocolate

I'm posting this picture because most of my clients and friends have never seen me in shoes, or any clothes that aren't black. So here's proof that sometimes I'm REALLY girlie.

It was my dear friend Julie's wedding on Saturday, and I took a day off my diet (against the advice of Dr Purcell!). I tried to cheat within reason... No drinks other than mineral water. Not too much cheese and only three crackers. The salmon entree, with only a few small bites of the potato. And then dessert... that's where the cake and chocolate came in. Incredibly, I had some of each and left it at that. And then I got up early the next morning and ran almost 5 miles. Add that to the 6 miles I ran the day before the wedding and I think I earned my cake... and it was wonderful!

Maintaining

It's been almost 2 weeks and I'm maintaining my new weight of 128lbs. I'm running quite a bit (either 3-plus miles or a dozen sets of stairs, 4 days a week). Next week I'll start lifting weights again. The diet is going ok (lots of protein and green veges, no starch, dairy or fruits). Sometimes I get insane carb crvings - especially after I run - but mostly I'm ok. I do cheat every day. I cannot live without any fruit, so I eat small amounts of low-glycemic, low calorie berries like strawberries, blueberries and rasberries. They stop me from wanting to shoot myself and others.

This weekend is my dear friend's wedding, and I've bought a fabulous, girlie dress. And I'm taking the night off my diet. I'm not going to go hog-wild, but I am going to eat what's offered, not substituting asparagus for sweet potato if that's what's on my plate. I'm looking forward to it! The next morning I plan to go for a long run on the beach. Calories in, calories out.

Still at 128 :)

Here's the latest picture - taken on Monday 6/30, 128lbs. If I look a little dazed, it's because it was 6:15am!

I've been on this new phase (more food!) for 5 days now, and I feel SO much better! I'm running (stairs and/or miles) most days, eating well, and maintaining my weight. Hopefully my muscle tone will come back quickly - I feel a bit soft. My blood pressure is still really low, so I don't look so great most of the time, and I want to lie down a lot. But if I run in the morning and have 3 cups of green tea, I feel buzzed enough to get through most of the day.

Best Omelet Ever

I'm onto the next phase!

I finished my shots on Thursday, but I had to stay on the 500 calorie diet for two more days. My weight moved between 128 and 129 from Tuesday onwards, due I'm sure to my hormonal cycle. Friday brought particularly bad cramps and a desperate need for some extra protein, which I did not deny myself, so I probably had 600 calories instead of only 500 for those two days, but at least I was able to get to work (barely!).

Today, Sunday, I start the next phase of the diet... and it now includes eggs and I'm able to combine foods in one meal. I've been waiting for this day. I had the best omelet ever this morning! I caramelized some sweet onions, browned mushrooms, and folded them into two beaten eggs with a little fresh basil, some hot peppers (flakes) and sea salt. Barely any calories other than the eggs, and yet so incredibly delicious!

I'm told it's unhealthy to love food so much, and I really am trying to care. I'm not there yet. I'm going to behave myself and stick to the items on the list from Dr Purcell, and not overdo the calories (which you really can't if you stick to the list - lean meats and green veggies, 2 eggs a day, 1/4 cup of nuts, and 1/3 cup brown rice)... but I'm coming up with some great ideas for recipes to make it all as fabulously yummy as possible! Dried spices have been my savior. They can turn even a bowl of steamed cabbage into an appealing lunch.

I was 129lbs this morning, and my waist was just under 28 inches. I'll have to monitor this closely in the days to come to make sure neither one increases. I'll be exercising a lot more than I was able to in the last 4 weeks, which seems to help bring my blood pressure up for the day. That makes me feel a lot better! When my blood pressure is too low, I'm exhausted and dizzy, and I need to lie down. Not ideal for working in a gym!

128 and Feeling Great!

I've had a really rough few days, but I'm feeling great now. I was SO lethargic, and I was blacking out every time I got up from laying on the couch (which is where I spent the whole weekend, and most of yesterday). Awful! It turns out my blood pressure had fallen even further - yesterday afternoon it was 76 over 44. No wonder I felt so dreadful! So I worked out last night - just a light kettlebell workout - and I went for a vigorous walk and did 6 sets of stairs this morning. I also had three cups of green tea today, and I think the activity combined with the caffeine did the trick. I feel great! I wish I had tried that a few days ago. Maybe it would have worked then, and maybe not, but I sure am grateful it worked today.

I only have two more days of morning shots. Oddly, I'll kind of miss them. Even though I've been losing weight very slowly for the last week or more, I'm still losing. 13lbs so far!

Into the 120's

Finally! Another couple of pounds gone. I'm now 129... 12lbs down!

Yesterday my husband and I pulled ALL of my clothes out of my closet and I tried everything on. If it fit, it went back in; if it was too big it went to Goodwill. He was the judge; I am not to be trusted. I will wear clothes forever. Just add a belt! There were a precious few things that I love so much, I just couldn't part with them. So he made me promise to alter them to my new size right away. He's also taking me on a shopping spree when I'm all done because he knows I would never spend the kind of money he does on clothes, and he thinks I deserve them.

The biggest "oh-my-gosh" moment to date was yesterday, when I put on a pair of jeans that I finally slipped back into just a week or so ago. They looked great then, and if that was as far as I got I would still have been happy. But I put them on yesterday and they were HANGING off me. I'm not kidding - I was shocked speechless. Mouth hanging open, hands to my face, tears in my eyes, SHOCKED. Wow!

It's really easy to be too critical of ourselves, or see ourselves as chubbier than we actually are (in extremis it's called Body Dysmorphic Disorder - think of anorexics who really believe they're still fat, even though they are skeletal - I've been there). So I'm keeping those jeans, and anytime I'm not sure if my body has really changed that much, I'll put them on again and shock myself back to reality.

The only regret I have so far is that my butt is disappearing... I loved my big butt! And getting it back will be TORTURE. Hundreds and hundreds of lunges, squats, jumping stairs... groan! Please, when I'm dying of sore legs and tush and can barely stand up to work, will someone remind me to go and put those old jeans on again?!

I'm still plateau-ing every other day, which is totally frustrating. It turns up the volume on the voice in my head that tells me to quit. But I'm way too stubborn for that. I said I would do this and I will!

More Pictures

I just looked at the 141lb "Before" picture I posted two weeks ago, and the one I posted earlier today, and the 10lbs that's missing doesn't seem clear enough to me. So here are two more pictures:

Hopefully this is obvious, but the upper one was this morning, the second one below was two weeks ago and the third (side view) was also today.

Stalled... and grumpy!

I'm still pretty much plateaued. It's very depressing. Which makes me grumpy.

It's completely normal to plateau when you're losing weight and you reach a weight that you maintained for some time in the past. That's where I am now. The hardest part about it, is that being stuck makes the "Sabotage" part of my brain want to forget the whole project and get myself to a great restaurant as fast as I can. Of course I'm not going to do this, but only because I'm quite stubborn and I committed to seeing this thing through. Charlie Palmer's will have to wait another few weeks.

The other thing that's keeping me going is that other people can really see the difference 10lbs has made. (I can sort-of see it, but not as clearly as everyone else.) So I'm going to print some of the before-and-during pictures I've been taking and stick them on my bathroom mirror so I don't lose sight of the fact that this IS actually working and it's worth going without cheese.

The picture here was taken this morning... still stuck at 131lbs. I've re-done two of the body fat tests and both said I lost both fat and muscle, but slightly different amounts. And my metabolism has slowed down a bit (I don't think this is supposed to happen!). We'll see what the next few days bring.

I am currently very tired - mentally and physically lethargic. I think this is emotional (caused by being bummed about this plateau), but the effect is physical and I'm taking some long naps. The past four days have not been my finest!

Being the generally happy little positive-thinker that I am, I truly believe that tomorrow will be better.

Plateau!!

I've hit a true plateau. I haven't lost a pound in 48 hours. I'm not pleased! For the commitment and discipline this program takes, I feel I deserve to lose a pound or two every day!

So now I'm on the Apple Diet. No food at all until noon, then I have up to 5 apples to enjoy. And I have to limit my water intake, which is no fun at all. Apples have been one of my favorite foods during the last two weeks, but now that they're all I can have, I almost miss my cabbage and chicken. And feeling a bit dehydrated leaves me very lethargic, so I'm on the couch watching a LOT of TV, which is one of my favorite activities, but do you know how many ads there are for pizza every hour?! It's killing me.

Clearly this is NOT my best day so far.

I really, really miss cheese

Don't get me wrong - most of the time I feel great... not hungry, not tired, and really positive and happy about this experience. But I miss cheese more than anything. Ever.

If you asked anyone who knows me well what food I would miss most, they would have said "ice cream". And yes, I'd love some. But I don't care that I can't have it. It's cheese that I'm dreaming about. Every time I see it in the fridge I want to pick it up. Hold it. Smell it. Lick the edge so I can just taste it. There are lots of other foods that I love - sweet potatoes, eggs, yogurt with strawberries... but I could live without all of them for just one more piece of cheese.

But my resolve is strong and I will not cheat. I'm down to 132lbs today!

Tuesday morning was my first plateau. I didn't lose an ounce from Monday to Tuesday. I was miserable all day. We took new pictures anyway and I couldn't look at them. I wanted to fall under a bus instead. Now I'm happy again because I've lost 2 1/2 more pounds since then. Which leads me to my next rant:

IF YOU ARE NOT CURRENTLY DOING THIS PROGRAM, DO NOT WEIGH YOURSELF EVERY DAY. Or even every week.

I've been telling women for years to throw away their scales and ask instead "Do my pants fit?" and "Are these the pants I want to be wearing?". Those should be our only questions. Answered honestly (and acted upon), they will keep us at a healthy weight. We will feel good about ourselves and our self-esteem won't be damaged on a day-to-day basis. It's too easy to measure our "success" - and therefore our worth - by a number!

So to do this program, I had to put aside my beliefs about weight (and how totally unimportant it is) and weigh myself every day, and it's taken less than two weeks for "the number" to rule my day. How damaging would that be over the course of a few years? A lifetime?

On the flip side, if I didn't weigh myself every day and continually see the number going down, I might lose a bit of my motivation and succumb to the cheese. So for now, the scale is a necessary evil. But I am really looking forward to the day when it is once more just a dust-collector in the corner.

12lbs Down :)

I've lived through eight morning injections of HCG and I've lost 12 pounds. I'm very happy with my results so far! I'm down to 134lbs.

I did great at the party on Saturday night. The food and drinks all smelled yummy, but I just wasn't physically hungry. I was so determined not to cheat again, I must have used mind over matter. I wasn't even hungry hours later!

The three really exciting things that have happened for me so far are:
1. I no longer walk straight to the fridge when I walk in the front door (for me, this was the habit of a lifetime).
2. I'm getting better at recognizing that "I'm hungry" is often "I'm bored" or "I'm thirsty"; and
3. I am no longer terrified of injections! It has been YEARS since I've had a shot and not cried (in fact, it may have never happened). I still can't watch my husband give me my injection, but I peeked out from between my fingers this morning and didn't freak out at all. My goal is to be able to watch the whole procedure calmly.

I Cheated!! and it cost me a pound

Last night I ate less than half an ounce of beef... that had been re-heated in a pan with coconut oil... and instead of losing two and a half pounds yesterday, I only lost one. Serves me right. I cheated. But I can't feel guilty about it. Only losing one pound instead of two or more has taught me a few lessons:
1. Don't sit there while your husband cooks and eats something delicious. Go outside or into the bedroom.
2. Even the tiniest cheat can make a real difference. I committed to doing this program - why not give it my best shot?!
3. Don't let yourself dwell on how much you miss fats and oils, it's only for 24 days, not for the rest of your life.

I did a kettlebell workout this morning and it felt great. I did all of my usual exercises, but with half the weight. Now I'm starving and quite tired, but half an apple and a nap should do the trick.

Tonight we're off to a party. There will be food and drink everywhere, but I will not cheat! It's not worth it. I will eat before we go and drink mineral water while we're there, and not stay too long. Really, it would be much smarter to just stay home, but it's for a really close friend, so I'm going. We'll see how I feel about it later!

Another Day, Another Few Pounds Gone

Today is Day 5, and I feel really good. I've lost two and a half pounds a day, every day this week. When I woke up this morning I actually FELT thinner. What a great way to wake up! And people are starting to notice the changes, especially in my face and hips.

Yesterday wasn't a good day - I went and walked 10 sets of stairs and it wiped me out (normally I run 12 sets and I feel awesome). After my 10 sets I was hungry and grumpy and tired all day, even though I felt good while I was doing it. Moderation in exercise is obviously very important in this program. If I don't exercise at all, I feel sluggish. Moving my body makes me feel better than if I don't do anything, but too much was not a good choice.

Day 3 - 6lbs Down

Today is my third day of the "real diet" - less than 500 calories a day. It's actually going a LOT better that expected. I am slightly hungry most of the time, but it's like being aware of hunger and just not caring.

The first day I didn't eat until almost 2pm and I wasn't hungry at all - that was my best day. But then I got a slight infection under a tooth (the re-emergence of an ongoing problem) and now I'm on antibiotics... which means I have to eat a little something first thing in the morning with the pill. Having just that one piece of Melba toast (20 calories!) makes me hungry for the rest of the day. Bummer.

I've been exercising a little bit - a light workout Monday night, and a stroll with a couple of short bursts of jogging on Tuesday. It feels great to do it, but my strength and endurance are definitely down and I'm really tired afterwards. Tonight I'll try a yoga class.

I've lost 6lbs since Monday, but really only one pound since Wednesday last week - I was 141 then, but I gained 5 eating all that fat... and now 6 have fallen off in 48 hours. Can't wait to see what happens in the next 48!

"Before" Picture - 141lbs

This picture was taken the day I did all my testing - Wednesday May 28th. I was 141lbs that day. I'm only publishing the side-on picture - the angle of the ones from the front is horrible and I just can't force myself to put such a dreadful picture of myself online. (Note to self - don't look down into a camera from front-on.)

I forgot to take a waist measurement, but my Old Navy size 8 pants were quite loose that day, and the 6's were snug.

What is Medical Weight Loss?

Medical Weight Loss is for people who have extremely slow metabolisms (from yo yo dieting, eating disorders, diet drugs or stimulants).

The program is nine weeks in total. The first 4 days you eat lots of fat. On the third "fat day" you start daily HCG injections (into the muscle of your thigh, or your tush if someone else is doing the injecting for you). You get a daily injection for a total of 26 days. From the 3rd to the 26th day, you eat a very strict diet - only 500 calories a day! That's two meals per day - 3oz of chicken breast, white fish or buffalo, plus an apple, orange or strawberries, one vegetable (spinach, asparagus, onion) and a serving of melba toast (not my favorite, but I'm sure I'll learn to love it).

Apparently you're never hungry, because the HCG injection controls your appetite and puts your body into ketosis - you're burning so much of your own body fat you're not hungry. And you're losing 1 to 2 pounds per day.

After the first 26 days, I'll be on a controlled diet (zero sugar, and no grains either). This is for three weeks. The final three weeks move me into the "maintenance" phase.

Last Supper

Today was my second HCG shot, and my last day of eating lots of fat...

Honestly, I'll really miss all the bacon and ice cream, but I won't miss eating it in such quantities. My stomach feels HUGE! I went out for one last fat-calorie-laden dinner (mexican food again), then gelato. After dinner I washed my hair one last time (I'll be using powdered shampoo after today) and covered myself in coconut oil - no more lotion for 24 days.

Tomorrow morning I start the real "diet". I'm looking forward to seeing what happens to my body in the next few days!

First Shot, and Still Eating Lots of Fat

I'm drawing to the close of day #3 of eating lots of fat... and I feel gross! I've gained FIVE POUNDS since Wednesday (it's now Saturday night), and my skin has broken out. Some of the weight is definitely bloat - my husband called me buddha earlier, and not because I'm serene. I'm really thirsty, so some of my fatty-food choices must be high in sodium too.

Overall I'm enjoying eating literally whatever I want for four days. It's like one long, guilt-free last meal on earth. I had almost half a pound of bacon for lunch, with a home-made hash-brown (fried in the bacon fat, of course). Dessert was strawberries with whipped cream, then ice-cream. If I'm ever hungry again, I have ribs in the oven for dinner - they've been slow-cooking since this morning.

My husband gave me my first shot of HCG this morning. I didn't even cry! (It probably helped that it was about 6am and I was still half-asleep). The needle is TINY - it barely even stings going in. About half-way through the shot I started to feel pressure in the muscle, like he was pressing his finger into me, but it didn't hurt. Later I felt like it was a bit bruised at the injection site, and I really felt it when I worked out. Now it's achy when I walk. Perhaps I should have done a light workout, not a Kettlebell marathon!

Aaaarrrghh!!!

I can only approach today with humor.

Dr Purcell did my BIA, and my body fat was 25.4%. I'm happy that all three tests came out to about the same percentage. She also did my RMR, and it was close enough to the same (high!) reading I got with the other test. Frustrating!! I'm delighted to have a great metabolic rate, but that should mean that I lose weight easily - but I don't. I have to struggle for every pound! So now I have no idea why losing weight is SO hard for me.

So today is day #2 of eating heavy-fat meals, and I feel STUFFED. Ice cream all day! And mexican food for lunch... taquitos and a cheese quesadilla. Sounds delicious, but right now my tummy doesn't feel so good. And tonight we're going out for ribs.

Eating Lots of Fat

Today I started the "eating" part of this program. For two days before I start the daily injections, and for the first two days of the injections, I have to eat as much fat as I can. This is to try to get as much fat as possible into my bloodstream.

So today I had chocolate, pepperoni pizza (one slice) and a third of a pint of ice cream for lunch. And more chocolate and pizza for dinner, with strawberries and whipped cream for dessert. I would have thought this would be my happiest day ever, but actually I have a bit of a tummy-ache. Pass the digestives please...

Testing Times

I put myself through it this week! I've had:
Ø a blood test (for thyroid, cholesterol, fasting blood sugar... and a few other things I've forgotten);
Ø an RMR - to test my resting metabolic rate;
Ø the "pinch test" to check my body fat percentage and possible hormone imbalances; and
Ø I got dunked - an underwater test for body fat.

My body fat was 25% by the pinch test (expertly administered by Danielle at Synergy Training). The dunk-test put me at 26%. As far as I'm concerned, of those two, I would go to Danielle every time. Getting dunked is uncomfortably similar to drowning! Tomorrow Dr Purcell will do a third body fat test - the BIA. That test is the easiest of them all – I just have to lie still for a minute.

Dr Purcell's BIA test will also indicate my resting metabolic rate. I'll be comparing that result to the RMR test I did yesterday, which gave me a VERY unlikely result... that one indicated a fast metabolism, but if that were true, I'd be a LOT leaner!

I'm planning to re-do these tests when I complete Dr Purcell's program.

We also took my "before" pictures yesterday. And we’ll continue to take pictures every few days to track my progress. I’ll post them, with my weight, twice a week.

Second Appointment

I had my second appointment with Dr Purcell this week. We went over my initial questions, and she explained the whole program to me. Oh My Goodness. It's pretty intensive, but I'm excited!

I'm going to do some bloodwork and body composition testing before and after this initial three-week phase (which is actually 26 days - sounds closer to four weeks to me...). I have it all scheduled for Wednesday May 28th, and I'll start my first shot on Saturday the 31st. I feel like this process is going to change me - not sure how, but I really feel like I'm at the beginning of a journey.

One of the things I've thought about a lot is that they say it takes 21 days to build a new habit, and the initial phase is 26 days... there's something about that... it resonates with me and it feels like this will have a lot to do with my success with the program. Also, 26 days of no sugar at all will hopefully be enough to break that habit!

First Appointment

So yesterday was my first official appointment as Dr Purcell's patient. I was there for 90 minutes, and I feel like she knows more about me now than I do! She took a FULL history, blood pressure (100 over 50!), weight (144 on her scale, but 142 on mine this morning - I know which I prefer), and she used the stethoscope and looked in my ears and down my throat. I gave her my food log and we talked about food and emotions and I think she took 4 pages of notes.

Dr Purcell wants me to get a blood test for my thyroid. I absolutely freak out at blood tests, but I might just have to be a big girl and follow ALL of her suggestions if I want to get the most out of this journey. No point in taking half-measures when I want maximum results!

Next week we meet again and she'll answer all my questions and give me the information I need to follow her program.

Getting Ready For My Adventure

Here I am, three weeks from the true beginning of my adventure with Dr Purcell. I'm eating right, exercising, sleeping, and losing about a pound a week; but i'm looking forward to it being more!

I'm doing a lot of preparation for Dr Purcell's program because I don't want to feel overwhelmed by changes happening all at once. I think the more I do now, the easier it will be when the more intensive phase starts. This is about changing habits, not just for a few weeks, but for life!

I can't wait to find out more about the program and especially how it will help me re-set my SLUGGISH metabolism.